My Onion Piece

New Wearable Feedbags Let Americans Eat More, Move Less

My Commercial!

Don't blink. I'm wearing a red wig.

Hitler Sketch - Secret Hospital Sketch Comedy

Crashed My Bicycle

So in the 6 months I've been riding my bike to work (inconsistently, for various reasons) I finally had my first major crash. Given that I am an amazing klutz, I'm actually pretty impressed with myself. After all the kamikaze taxis and mindless pedestrians I've cursed out, I have no one to blame but myself for this. I just misjudged how high a curb was, and went over the handlebars. Thankfully, I was smart enough to throw myself to the side so I didn't land on my face. But I did scrape but my leg pretty bad. You wanna see? Of course you do.



Get ready boys. Here she comes:




Nice right? I'm pretty proud of it.

About eight years ago, when I was still living at home on Long Island, I was riding my bike down Sunrise highway, when I wiped out badly, smashing my nose and hitting my forehead against the top of four-foot high chain link fence. Three white guys in a pick up truck pulled over to the side of the road and pointed and laughed at me (literally!) as I struggled to my feet and wiped the blood off my face.

So with that in mind, I'd like to thank the man who pulled over to ask if I was all right, and the three young black men who helped me to my feet, gave me back the water bottle and asked me if I'd broken anything. I was fine, but I want to thank you for proving wrong the racist, NYC-hating assholes with whom I went to high school.

And thank you bike. You are fun, you provide me with exercise, you cause me to see wonderful sites around this great city, and now you've shown me that I was always right to be desperate to leave my crappy hometown and the cretins I met there behind. What will you do next? Bring about world peace? Cure cancer? Be inconvenient to store in my tiny apartment? You know what, go ahead and choose option C. You deserve it.

Never Shake A Baby

But Where Will I Park My DeLorean?

What do you mean I can't get a substitution for my monthly space? How long has this been going on?

The Cross Over Event of the Century!

Two awesome people that I also happen to be friends with are Michele Medlin and Sarah Nowak. Why am I telling you this, you ask? Wait why was I? I forgot what I was talking about....


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Oh yeah! I remember now! Sarah and Michele IM each other during the day, and especially good exchanges, they post on their blog "Kill Secretary Kill!". Michele and I also talk via gchat sometimes, and yesterday she published one of our exchanges. Here's what it looked like when she told me:

michele.medlin: u is getting to be on kill
how do you feel?
me: Like my life has purpose now

Michele took the ol' "Candy For Breakfast" interview, so you'll be hearing much more about her when I finally get off my lazy ass and write it up. But for now enjoy this.